I have never made a New Year resolution but really admire folks who start off the new year with goals or inspired changes to their daily routines. Whether we make resolutions or set intentions, we are using mindful awareness to reflect on who we are, what we have experienced, and how we want to evolve or change. Yay to us humans and our ability to reflect and evolve!

What I find interesting about resolutions or big goals people may have is that the inspiration and motivation driving behavior to achieve the goal usually fizzles out before the goal is reached. If you have ever signed up for a gym membership but haven’t been in months (or years) you have felt the fizzle firsthand. I am sure at the time you signed up for the gym that your desire to go consistently was pure. However, achieving your goals takes more than a contract, verbal proclamation, a tweet, a social media post, or a toast on New Year’s Eve. Knowing who you are and what your capacity is at this moment in time, objectively and without judgment, to take on a big goal is key to reaching the finish line.

Take Time to Get to Know Yourself

One of the most widely used phrases in my clinical practice is ‘slow down’ and when it comes to new year resolutions or goals, slowing down rather than going full speed ahead is best. While it may feel counterintuitive to take time at the beginning of a new year to acclimate to a regular schedule after a busy holiday; to be aligned with the winter weather patterns by going to bed earlier and sleeping a bit longer; nurturing yourself with homemade meals; and making time for meditation or breath practices is the perfect start to a new year.

Slowing down now during the height of winter can help you become aware of your true desires and your ability and capacity to take action to fulfill those desires. For instance, NOT going to the gym in the spare time you have several days a week through January could help you notice, for example, that are really tired in the afternoons. By being present with the consistency of the afternoon lows, you can slowly make tweaks to your diet, supplements, and sleeping schedule to see if your energy increases. If the modifications work, then you are in an optimal state to enjoy rigorous workouts at the gym by March and you will most likely stick to a consistent routine. If the adjustments don’t work and you still have an afternoon dip in energy, you may want to look deeper into root causes with an integrative practitioner. At Flourish! you can receive guidance on ways to increase energy during an integrative assessment with Cyndi.

On the other hand, if you are heading full speed ahead with work, going to the gym and social activities, and eating out a lot because you are so busy, but then you end up exhausted and stop going to the gym, you might think it’s because you did too much. This might be true. And it might not be true.

I love slowing down because it is in the slow and the stillness that we find our true selves and our capacity to care for and nurture ourselves as well as tune into our innermost desires. Sometimes when we are quiet and not distracted, we might feel ashamed or unhappy with what we find out about ourselves. Usually, keeping busy and stressed can be a great way to avoid parts of ourselves that we do not like or want to be present with.

The Real Goals That Are Hiding

Big goals or resolutions at the start of a new year can cover up yearning, shame, disappointment, fear, feeling inadequate or not worthy, or a host of other negative emotions. Being busy and stressed and then exhausted from being busy and stressed is an American pastime and can be effective, temporarily, to distract from what is really happening deep within our mind and body.

But if we slow down during winter, we can take our time to get familiar with feelings and parts of ourselves that are hiding in plain sight < if you are having a ‘dry January’ you might see what is hiding in plain sight way sooner > . Cultivating tolerance, compassion, and grace so that we can be with aspects of ourselves we don’t like can be healthier for your quality of life, as well as overall wellness, than jamming your weekly schedule to meet your daily goals of steps taken or calories consumed or burned.

Reflecting with compassion and no judgment during January and February can prepare you for the real goals that will show up all by themselves in the spring. These goals or deeply held desires are like spring bulbs that need to hibernate during the winter and then will pop up, briefly, with the change in weather that aligns with the spring equinox. The concepts of what you are needing, desiring, or yearning for are within you but need time, rest, and nurturing before they bloom into ideas and goals.

Starting therapy during this reflective time in winter can also help you slow down and have company in what is held within you. The therapeutic relationship can help you hold parts of yourself or negative emotions that have been lying dormant for years. By allowing a therapist to join you in what is underneath previous unmet goals or resolutions, you will be giving yourself a greater chance to achieve whatever goals, lofty or small, you set.

Whether you take time this January and February to slow down on your own or with a therapist, give yourself a long runway to launch a goal. You may be surprised how easy it will be to achieve them when you start in March.