Sparking Joy by Giving To Others
Here in the U.S., our holiday season is about 6 weeks long as it runs from mid-November through the end of December. These six weeks can provoke many flavors of stress for Americans but the biggest stressor during this time has to do with ‘giving’. During Thanksgiving it can easy to focus on words describing what one is grateful for but if you are attending a Thanksgiving celebration one might stress about what to bring, who to invite, what subjects to talk about and what is best to avoid. These stressors can be balanced by time spent connecting and engaging with family and friends especially if much time has passed since their last get together.
From a mindfulness perspective Thanksgiving is a holiday where we can hold two different experiences at once. One experience would be the positive emotions and aspects of being in community with very special people whose specific purpose in gathering together was to celebrate gratitude. On the other hand, the logistical and financial aspects of getting together with others during the middle of a work week can contribute to an elevated heart rate, blood pressure, sleep agitation and poor eating habits. Even though the turkey and wine with dinner could be a big contributing factor, feeling and talking about gratitude lights up parts of our brain and warms the heart so much that you are able to relax into a deep slumber despite the earlier stressors.
Next is the Christmas season; it begins moments after Thanksgiving as holiday themed decor, music and shopping discounts provide the background for giving to others with the pure intentions of empathy, care and gratitude. It is as if the reindeer on the mantle, the snowman on the table and the balsim fir candle are in a chorus, whispering “give to those you love … and don’t worry about the credit card bill”.
Giving. It really is the pillar under all that is in the air in December. Giving happens across cultures, religions, income levels and identies because giving feels good and when an enormous amount of giving happens through a large population around the same time, one can hypothesize that giving is contagious, in a good way. If we step back and witness how people around us are thinking about, talking about, surfing the internet about holiday gifts for others it truly is remarkable to feel their warmth and generosity. While stressors in December are usually double or triple than Thanksgiving the rewards of connection, love, warm experiences from December holidays are worth the struggle.
Research on Giving
There is interesting research that sheds light on how good it feels when give to someone as a way to help them or show them we care. Three cross-cultural studies of participants across several continents, many countries and differing income levels suggest the reward experienced from helping others may be deeply ingrained in human nature, emerging in diverse cultural and economic contexts. It seems highly probable that human beings around the world derive emotional benefits from using their financial resources to help others. (1).
Drilling down into the data in these studies highlights that the most rewarding experiences in helping others were based on care and empathy. People felt great when the giving was not out of obligatation, pressure or expecting something in return. When people gave because they cared and empathized with the receiver, they felt positive, warm feelings associated with giving to others. This means that if you still unsure of what to gift your partner try connecting to memories of them through feelings of empathy and compassion and then see what type of gifts feel right.
Research has also shown that experiential gifts, rather than materialistic, evoke more positive feelings on both sides. For instance, gifting a morning hike with a picnic-like stop of coffee in a thermos could have both of you feeling more interconnected and loved than an expensive, last-minute gift based on convenience rather than thoughtfulness.
Conclusion
These findings highlight a truth about generosity: It isn’t always about getting something back. Feeling good about being generous does not come from a ‘tit for tat’ expectation. For many, feeling good about giving to others is based on their values, empathy, and the joy they get from helping someone or sharing. And indeed, compared with animals, humans stand out for their capacity to care deeply about a broad range of individuals, including strangers. The human species seems uniquely wired to find such acts of caring intrinsically rewarding.
Reference
Aknin, L. B., Barrington-Leigh, C. P., Dunn, E. W., Helliwell, J. F., Burns, J., Biswas-Diener, R., Kemeza, I., Nyende, P., Ashton-James, C. E., & Norton, M. I. (2013). Prosocial spending and well-being: Cross-cultural evidence for a psychological universal. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 104(4), 635–652. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031578