Flourish Recipe for Holiday Stress Reduction
The holiday music and decorations that seem to permeate our public spaces this time of year can also serve as a loud reminder/notification that, for some, there is a looming stressful situation on the horizon: spending time with our families.
A mindful recipe to ease family of origin stress this holiday season
I recognize that some people have positive and fulfilling experiences with their families over the holidays, but there is a subset of folks who will spend time with their family of origin (FOO) and feel stressed, anxious, withdrawn or even triggered. This ‘recipe’ is for you all.
Ingredients:
Breath, breath, and more breath!
A boat load of compassion
A healthy understanding of acceptance
Connection to your personal values
As much mindful awareness you can muster
Timer—can substitute phone, watch, or old fashioned counting (out loud or silently)
NO Judgment—check it at the door (or drop it into the nearest garbage bin)
Before you arrive at the door (in the car, plane, bed and can start days or minute before you enter the family gathering), set aside at least 5 minutes and breathe deeply and fully using your diaphragm. This is also called belly breathing; your belly will expand when you breathe IN and then contract / push the breath OUT. For extra relaxation, breathe out twice as long as you breathe in.
Try your best to feel compassion—for yourself, your current family members, and the generations of family members that came before you. You/we are all human and are doing our best to be in a long term family relationship. Sometimes it may feel like your family doesn’t love or even like you, but when we feel compassion for ourselves and others, we can ease the pain we feel inside.
Add a small hug for yourself or a soft, tender inner dialogue of ‘this is really hard right now”.
Take a 5-minute ‘Self Compassion Break’ meditation with Kristin Neff, Phd.
Accepting your family and yourself, for all that you are and all that you are NOT, is key easing FOO stress. If you feel yourself wanting to correct or confront a family member (or wanting to tell them STOP!), try to accept that you cannot change them. Acceptance does not mean you have to like what they are doing/saying; it does not mean you have to submit. Acceptance does mean that what is happening is really happening and you will not be able to change it at that moment.
Connect to and make a short list of your most important personal values. If compassion, love, family, relationships or forgiveness make the list, try to embody the important values when you are interacting with your family. If you feel you are having a values conflict with a family member, it may ease feelings of stress if you label, at the moment it is happening, that a values conflict is occurring and stating you are OK with agreeing to disagree and that you are NOT judging them for the values difference.
Combine all of the ingredients above with mindful awareness! Mindfulness is like seeing yourself, your family, the interactions taking place with a brand new set of eyes. You may see or feel experiences that you have never felt before; you may learn something new about this family member you have known your whole life; and a different and new perspective can trigger curiosity instead of judgment.
If the ingredients above are not enough to overcome feeling triggered, overwhelmed, or angry, skip reaching for another glass of wine or an additional slice of pie and take a time out. Take at least a 5 minute break away from all the activity; set a timer to ensure you take the minimum 5 minutes to breathe and move your body so you can process what you are feeling. Bathroom breaks, walks, listening to soft music, taking a nap, or a quick trip to the store are time outs that can help ease the intensity of what you are feeling.
Let Us Help You Flourish
At Flourish! we take an integrative approach to treating clients through mindfulness-based psychotherapy, nutritional services, and wellness consultations. A holistic approach allows us to provide individualized treatment, customized to the needs of each client. By evaluating the whole person, we’re able to get to the root cause of your symptoms and provide the most effective treatment plan so that you can live a fuller, happier life.
The most important value that all of our practitioners share: mindfulness. We believe mindfulness is key to cultivating well-being, but we understand that getting there often requires the guidance of an experienced and trusted facilitator.
If you struggle with depression, anxiety, or a mood disorder, coupled with chronic illness and/or digestive problems, you could benefit from the integrative nutrition and mindfulness-based treatment options available at Flourish!