How Your Phone Can Teach You Mindful Awareness
I recently read that Americans, on average so far in 2023, looked at their phones an average of 144 times during one single day. While I am not sure how valid this data is what I am sure about is that Americans spend a lot of time with their phones a few inches away from their face.
Our phones are front and center when people are driving, out to dinner, working, walking across the street, or socializing at a party or bar. It is as if the phone is a living, breathing entity that urges you to allow it to be a part of everything you do, anywhere you do it, screaming “take me with you'“ until you submit and do what it wants.
Of course, the phone isn’t screaming ‘take me with you’ but it is always there, with you. In your pocket, in your hands, on the desk, table, or bathroom counter. It has become a necessary accessory, like underwear and clothes; without it, you are naked and feel vulnerable. Is a phone that powerful that it can cloak you with protection from judgment or harm? Probably not. But the phone’s constant presence can be used in a healthy way - to build mindful awareness.
Looking at your phone can be a learning opportunity
No wonder we look at our phones so many times during the day; we are looking for ‘something’ or we are needing a distraction, a respite where we can disconnect from the feels that come up for all of us in response to our current reality. We could feel the pull to be looking for ‘something’ in our phones though we don’t know what that ‘something’ is or we feel like we missing out on ‘something’ important, funny, or trendy and be left behind, not ‘in-the-know’. But the looking for ‘something’ or having a distraction only gives us temporary relief. The ‘something’ we are looking for doesn’t get resolved because we didn’t know what that ‘something’ was in the first place. The uncomfortable feels we needed a distraction from (such as uncertainty, powerlessness, or agitation) don’t go away by looking at the phone, they just get put on hold.
I have personally learned that it is way easier to slowly change a habit with mindfulness than it is to completely eliminate the habit. This means that it is next to impossible to ditch the smartphone and improbable that you can easily only look at your phone a few times a day rather than 144 times. If you want to look at your phone less during the day it is doable - as long as accept that it will take time and means you will experience some uncomfortable, yet not debilitating, emotions or sensations.
By giving yourself a lot of time to slowly shift this habit as well as a lot of space for relapses and not judging yourself for the relapse, you can eventually become aware of what you want a distraction from, and like magic, you will start looking at your phone less because you have started to cultivate mindful awareness (mindfulness).
Tips to use your phone to build mindfulness skills
When you pick up your phone to look at it and before the Face ID or password screen comes up, close your eyes and slowly count to 5. By taking a consistent (i.e. doing this at least 50% of the time) pause you can rewire the brain’s urgency to pick up the phone to a slower pace.
Within the first few minutes of looking at your phone try to pause and reflect on your intention. What were you intending to get out of this activity? Give yourself a pat on the back if you are aware you needed a distraction as this awareness will help you become more present with what you wanted to be distracted from.
Turn off many, if not most, of your notifications. The buzzing of the notification can be interpreted by your nervous system that there is a perceived threat on the horizon. By significantly reducing notifications you are giving your nervous system more time to be in a place of ease and safety versus feeling stressed about perceived danger.
An advanced tip - pause when you pick up the phone and reflect inward on what you are thinking and feeling. Allow yourself to be curious about the thoughts and emotions that are within you BUT don’t ask yourself any ‘why’ questions. Just being with the thoughts and emotions, as they are, even if it is uncomfortable or painful, will pass sooner than later. And then give yourself a warm hug of self-compassion - validating that what you are experiencing in this moment is really hard. You may find that you had put your phone down, unconsciously, while doing this reflection since your mind and body got what it was looking for - connection to what’s happening within you.