Judgment is constant, but mindfulness can help
We all experience judgmental thoughts and behaviors. Judging others or situations can help us ascertain if a person or situation is dangerous or safe though most of the data we take in as a judgment is happening so fast that we are not fully conscious of how or why we have arrived at the judgment. It is a mechanism of the reflexive part of our brain, the right hemisphere, that is taking in data points through sight and sound that are too fast for the conscious, analytic parts of our brain, the left hemisphere. It only takes a second, or even less than a second, for eye contact made with another that can send signals within your body to inform the thought, “this person is trustworthy.” In the same time frame the thought “this person is not trustworthy or safe” can also form and can be based on a variety of biases that you have collected, mostly unconsciously, from your family, culture, or society in general.
Judgment is the tendency to form opinions about others based on limited information, often leading to unfair or harsh conclusions. It’s the inner voice that labels someone as "irresponsible" for being late or "lazy" by looking at someone’s appearance. While these thoughts might seem insignificant, they shape a mindset that fosters disconnection and misunderstanding.
And of course, social media relies on your judgmental behaviors to keep you scrolling. Judgy thoughts can keep you occupied for a long time since the process uses both cognitive and emotional processes. For instance, seeing one image on Instagram can keep you occupied with judgy thoughts like “she does not look good in that outfit,” which then can lead to looking for other images that could confirm “she does not look good in any outfits.” This can then lead to gossiping outwardly to others or with yourself about how this person has no fashion sense, which can then lead you to feeling all kinds of different feelings about this person and you barely know them. And then you realize you have just spent over an hour scrolling and judging, which probably increased your heart rate and put you into ‘fight or flight’.
How Judgment Shows Up in Daily Life
Judgment isn’t always loud or obvious—it can be subtle and disguised as concern. Judgmental thoughts or out loud statements could be snide remarks about someone’s fashion, criticism about their career path, jumping to conclusions without context, sharing negative opinions behind someone’s back, or expecting others to conform to our standards or agree with our perspective.
There is a ripple effect of judgment that goes beyond just the person being judged. The judgments shape our entire social environment, can damage relationships by creating distance or making others feel inadequate, can limit our growth and perspective by keeping us stuck in rigid thinking, and prevent us from learning and evolving. Additionally, judgment can permeate our workplaces, families, or social circles turning them into places of tension, defensiveness, and fear rather than support.
What to do with Judgment
At Flourish! our core values are built around mindfulness - the ability to be with something or someone just the way they are, without judgment and with objectivity. But how can we practice non-judgmental mindfulness when we are wired to judge and when judgment shows up everywhere?
The terms ‘no-judgment’ or ‘non-judgmental’ can be misleading since stopping your brain from producing judgmental thoughts is not possible in a normal, healthy brain. The founders of modern mindfulness incorporated an existing practice from the East, and poorly translated into a practice to suit the Western mindset. Trying to be present with someone just the way they are, without judgment, is a beautiful concept but us human beings are not wired to do this. We can’t make our right hemisphere stop receiving data that influences the defensive mechanisms of judgment, especially when the data coming in is unconscious.
What we can do is to be mindfully aware of judgmental thoughts and behaviors; the awareness of the judgments can help us to be non-judgmental. This may not make sense as you are reading this but in practice, it is something we can put into play.
For example, if you have plans with a good friend to meet for lunch at 12pm and at 12:10pm you are there but they aren’t, your thoughts might quickly go to “they are always late, it’s so rude and selfish.” You have no idea if this is true; when the words ‘rude’ and ‘selfish’ enter your thoughts they pull you into negative emotions that can have you convinced that your friend is rude, inconsiderate, and doesn’t care about you. And when your friend shows up at 12:12pm and apologizes profusely because they couldn’t figure out how to pay for parking with a new parking app they were required to load on their phone (which is why they didn’t text you) it might take you a few minutes to orient away from being mad at them.
If the example above included mindful awareness of the judgmental thoughts the scenario may unfold quite differently. When we have the ability to be mindful, especially in a stressful moment, we can notice the thought “they are always late, it’s so rude and selfish” but then also be aware that we are being judgmental. This awareness can help you get curious about other possibilities such as problems with traffic or parking or technology. Being present helps catch judgmental thoughts before they turn into words or behaviors.
Empathy, curiosity & self-compassion to the rescue
Breaking free from judgmental patterns takes time and practice; cultivating mindful awareness is a practice in itself. Slowing down with stress management exercises like breath work, yoga, meditation, walking / hiking / running outdoors or martial arts can help you to take pauses and notice your thoughts or behaviors. Once you can notice thoughts then becoming aware of judgmental patterns is possible with intentional effort.
Once you are aware of the judgmental patterns or thoughts you can practice empathy, challenge assumptions or cultivate curiosity. For instance, you could empathize with someone you were judging by imagining yourself in the other person’s situation and the challenges they might be facing. Or you could pause before jumping to conclusions and ask yourself, “Do I have all the facts?”
Two of our favorite ways to overcome judgmental thinking is to cultivate curiosity and develop self-compassion. For instance, if you notice you are labeling something as “wrong,” you can get curious about what else could be going on with the person or the situation, what other facts or context you might be missing. Bringing curiosity into the present moment can transform the moment; curiosity can help the conscious part of your brain bring in data that can help you make informed decisions rather than decisions based on pure judgment. Curiosity can keep you grounded in a neutral space instead of getting pulled into negative emotions associated with judgment. Additionally, developing and giving compassion to yourself can help you to treat yourself with kindness, and you’ll extend it to others more naturally.
Creating a More Accepting World
Reducing judgment isn’t about suppressing opinions—it’s about fostering understanding and connection. Each moment of empathy, curiosity, and open-mindedness helps create a more compassionate society. Change starts with small choices, those choices add up and the common threads are mindful awareness.
So, are you ready to take on the challenge? Every time you choose understanding over judgment, you’re not just improving your own life—you’re contributing to a ripple effect of positivity that can transform the world.